Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Zombies, the New Vampires

If you know me, you are quite aware of my absolute lack
of parental styles.
You can't really guess how I'm going to act or react to any given situation that requires
a repsonsible adult to give input, punish or establish order.
However, I'm happy to indulge in the obsessions of my children.
To that end I will explain to you in Cliff Notes form the many lessons
David Mullens has taught us about his obsession with
upcoming and inevitable,
It's unclear, when he realized that it's not a question of if but when for the zombie apocolpse, but it was some time in this school year.
I beleive the inception was the little knows faction of the Nazi army that
employed Zombies as killing machines.
The problem with Zombies is that they infect 100% of the people they bite.
The incubation period is very short so it can wipe out nations really quick.
Fortunatly an elite group of Black Ops anihilated the Zombie Corp back in WW2.
But the disease called the Solanum Virus was not wiped out, and David is waiting for another outbreak.
Apparently there are evidences of Zombie outbreaks in ancient Egypt.
So now with the Groundbreaking Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks,
David is ready now more than ever for the impending Doom.
I'm happy to be in his family, as my survival goes up exponentially.
He now wants a crossbow, machete, scythe and a few good shovels.
Sure, he'll explain, Guns are effective, but they aren't silent.
And we all know that zombies are attracted to noise.
Each of his weapons of choice are 100% effective , if you can get rid of the head.
Also you don't need more ammo, they are all reusable.
Sure you may evenutally need more arrows, but you can always recycle them.
Another tip is to not be the slowest.
Perhaps that's why Davo can run three miles so readily.
Zombies have no need for oxygen and therefore they can survive underwater.
They can also climb, so trees won't help.
You need to be barricaded.
In addition you need to be constantly vigilant, sure you may become paranoid, but when the undead are seeking to consume your brains, a little paranoia is just what the doctor ordered, if survival is on your agenda.
David has a quick reference poster in his room that I beleive he will have committed to memory by Friday and he's half way through his survival book, that he received last night.
By summers end, I think he'll be able to quote it.

Holy Coupons Batman